Today I spent over an hour in worship and prayer this is the second time I’ve done prayer at that length, and I can say with certainty it changes you. There is something profoundly powerful about sitting in the presence of God without rushing, without asking for performance, without distraction. Just surrender. Just listening. Just being.
I do this prayer time alongside a church I deeply love. They aren’t close to where I live, but I follow their sermons faithfully because they teach straight from the Bible. That matters to me. I don’t want watered down messages. I don’t want personal opinions dressed up as Scripture. I want the Word raw, alive, unfiltered. The source. Always the source.
At the end of January, I’ll be starting a Bible study that uses a book alongside Scripture, and I’ll admit, that gave me pause. Too many people insert themselves into God’s Word interpretations, personal narratives, ego. I prefer learning directly from Scripture itself. Still, I trust God’s timing and discernment, and I’ll approach it prayerfully.
Physically, the last few days have been hard. I’m in a significant flare on top of the one I’ve already been living with for over three months now. I’ve lost track of time. Chronic illness will do that. So I’ve been resting really resting. In the Bible. Journaling. Taking notes. Designing my Bible. Sitting in worship. Praying deeply. Applying for jobs over 50 applications now. Therapy today. Two appointments scheduled. And tomorrow, I’ll be staying home while my daughter runs errands for me, because pushing myself right now only makes things worse.
That’s something I’m learning I have to stop paying for my kindness with my health.
I’ve always been a helper. A deeply involved mom and grandma when allowed, and always with respect when boundaries are set. But I’m learning that loving others doesn’t mean abandoning myself. God doesn’t ask that of me.
When my responsibilities are done for the day , I do something that brings joy I spoiled my son’s girlfriend in Animal Crossing. She lost years of gameplay, and I’ve been helping rebuild her island, dropping off items, love, creativity. It may sound small, but it’s connection. It’s kindness. It’s presence. And I’m genuinely excited for the new update on the 15th five years later, something I never thought would happen again.
Even in the middle of a flare, I won’t complain anymore. Not publicly on platforms only my blog here and there. Jesus endured pain beyond comprehension physical, emotional, spiritual to save us. Who am I to dwell in complaint when I live in grace? I’m thankful. Deeply thankful. For my relationship with Him. For the daily refining. For the conviction. For the peace that cannot be faked.
Today’s Bible study focused on dying to the flesh on rejecting gossip, slander, pride, and the need to elevate oneself over others. Scripture humbles you when you allow it to. Especially if you are boastful. Especially if you believe you are above correction.
God is all-knowing. You cannot hide words, motives, or even thoughts from Him.
And at the end of my days, I will know this: I repented. I changed. I did not continue to live in patterns that destroy others. I died to myself and was reborn months and months ago and the peace I live in now is proof of that transformation.
I share pieces of my life here, but mostly I share Him. And I won’t be here daily. I’m not glued to screens anymore. I’m called to depth, not noise. To obedience, not performance.
And to those who observe silently not to learn, but to watch, to gather, to twist, to gossip, to slander hear this clearly
I am not moved.
I am not afraid.
And I answer only to God.
Truth does not require defense.
Light does not argue with darkness.
And a life aligned with Christ speaks louder than any rumor ever could.
If you are here because you love Jesus, welcome.
If you are here to witness transformation, stay.
If you are here for anything else God sees you too.
I pray you have the weekend you are meant to have.
Goodnight.