Journal Entries
Today was a down day. That happens when I increase food with idiopathic chronic pancreatitis. It’s painful, exhausting, and frustrating but it’s also part of the process. I’m learning that healing isn’t linear, and pushing through isn’t always strength. Sometimes strength is resting and accepting where my body is at.
Today we took down all the Christmas decorations. There’s something symbolic about that closing out a season and stepping fully into the new year. I’m especially grateful that my oldest is still here visiting for a couple more weeks. His presence helps so much, especially on days like today. He is incredibly kind, empathetic, and gentle. Truly a sweet soul, and I don’t take that for granted.
I’m also deeply thankful for the slow, steady rebuilding of my relationship with my second oldest and his family. Little by little, it’s been beautiful. While I was resting today, I kept going back and forth helping his girlfriend. We discovered we’re both huge Animal Crossing girls, which honestly made me smile more than I can explain. It’s such a peaceful game play when you want, don’t when you don’t. No pressure. Just calm.
My granddaughter has a little Switch right now, but when I get the new one at the end of this month, I’ll be giving her one of my bigger ones. She’s so excited about the new patch that allows multiple islands of different sizes. And of course, she has an Isabelle Build-A-Bear now just like Grandma’s. She kept taking mine, so this felt necessary. My grandson hasn’t been yet, so I think it would be really fun to take him soon too.
I’m not a big gamer, but I am big on intentional, individual time with each child. That matters to me. Despite horrible things people have said about me in the past people who don’t know me at all I know exactly who I am and what I bring to those around me. I am kind. I am loving. I am giving. I am responsible. I love my family with my whole heart, and I always will.
I am proud of each of my children in different ways. I have forgiven everything that belongs in the past. There is no space for it here anymore. The present matters. Living the best way you can each day matters. It isn’t easy, and it never will be but my life is real, and I’m proud of that.
No one is perfect but God. We all have improvements to make, and I’m grateful my children love themselves enough to grow, to heal, and to refuse toxicity. Toxic anything is not okay, and I will always stand firm in that. Be humble. Be kind. And understand that some people are deeply unhappy no matter what you can’t fix that. People who tear others down for joy are miserable, narcissistic, and unhealthy. You can walk away. You can heal.
Tonight, instead of writing about my love for God which is something I live and breathe daily I wanted to write about real life. The truth. The rawness. This world can be cruel. There are people who are not kind at all, and I refuse to engage in that energy. I stay in my lane. I do a lot of good quietly. Not everything needs to be shared, because there will always be people who try to twist your intentions or ruin what you’re building.
I’m proud of the boundaries I’ve built. They come from over five years of counseling, a deep relationship with God, strong family ties, beautiful friendships, a loving church community and learning to value myself. I don’t need validation. I don’t need anyone to direct my life. I don’t need a man unless God quite literally places one in my path. I love my routine. I love my peace. Anyone who enters my life must be equally yoked, healthy, and aligned.
I’m focused on my family. I’m building. I’m growing. And this year has already been amazing not perfect, but real. I have two chronic illnesses, and that’s okay. I still love my life.
I genuinely feel sorrow for people who spend their lives tearing others down. That must be such a lonely way to exist. I pray for this world every single day. I pray that people find healing instead of bitterness, faith instead of hatred, and peace instead of control.
My purpose especially online is to share the Word with as many people as I can. And I do reach many. I see it, and it brings me joy. I have plans this year that surpass the last ten combined, and I’m excited. Some things just aren’t in our timing and that’s where trusting God matters most.
My granddaughter loved her first day back at school today, and that made my heart full. I’m always so proud of my moosh.
Goodnight.
Hugs. 🤍
The Picture is off my Bible. I spend so much time in it daily you might as well makes it personal and something you love with all your heart. I am loving adding to it all the time. Gods word will change your life in so many ways, some you will think is good and amazing and some you won't but, if your Satan's then you won't be a threat! That's how you know if you are gods child. Anyone can say they are but, its what's in your heart! You will know the difference. Its a called being under spiritual attack its real and its the hard part but worth it. I wouldn't have my life any other way!