Today was a very down day for me flare-wise. Yesterday I pushed myself with church and grocery shopping things that might seem simple and even “light” to most people, but in the middle of a flare, they hit completely differently. I thought I was turning a corner and feeling better after two days of easing up, but this flare reminded me quickly that it’s no joke. It’s humbling, frustrating, and painful all at once.
That’s the reality of living with chronic pancreatitis. You can be fine for weeks, months, even a year or more, and then out of nowhere it hits hard and doesn’t let go. It’s unpredictable, and truthfully, I wish doctors could finally figure out the “why” behind it. Until then, I’m left with learning how to manage, how to rest, and how to keep getting back up when it knocks me down.
Even though today was rough, I’m determined not to let this define my life. I’ve got Bible study this week, and I refuse to miss it again. I will go, flare or not, because it feeds my soul in ways that nothing else can. Thursday, I also have my second interview. I’ve worked hard to prepare, and I’m trusting God with the outcome. These things matter, and while I know I need to rest when I can, I’m not someone who can just stay in bed unless I absolutely have no choice.
My heart also goes out to anyone who’s walking through chronic illness or pain. It can make you feel isolated and misunderstood, and I never want anyone to carry that shame or silence. That’s why I choose to be transparent about my own journey to educate, to encourage, and to remind people they’re not alone. We didn’t ask for this, but we can choose to use it for good.
I’m especially thankful to have God and Jesus with me through it all. They’ve been teaching me to lean on them, to keep becoming a better daughter, and to take those baby steps of growth every day. The support I’ve had around me makes me so grateful, and it’s part of what gives me the strength to keep going.
On a brighter note, I’m excited to share that I’ve signed up for baptism. It’s something I’ve wanted for a long time, but since I hadn’t been rooted in a church since 2016, it never came together. Now that I’m back in a church home, I finally feel ready. I know spots fill quickly, but I’m praying for the opportunity and will keep you updated. To me, it’s a beautiful next step in my walk with Christ.
So yes, today was heavy and painful, but it was also filled with reminders of faith, of resilience, and of gratitude. Even in a flare, life still moves, and I can still choose joy.
I hope everyone had a great day. Ours was busy despite the down moments, and I’m grateful for every breath, every step, and every chance to try again tomorrow. Tonight, I’ll be in my Bible, closing the day with prayer and leaning into God for a better tomorrow.