Today I’m still down, but definitely better than yesterday. I’m already looking forward to getting back to training like I was, and I feel like tomorrow I’ll be able to get back out there heat or no heat. Luckily, I can train inside too, which is one of the things I love about my new place. I am blessed.
I’ve been leaning into my faith more than ever. Getting back into church, back into my Bible, back into trusting that everything is going to work out the way it’s supposed to. That’s what real faith is handing it all to God instead of carrying the weight yourself. Because when you try to hold it all alone, it’s too much. That was me this July, drowning in it, and I am so grateful I made the changes I did.
This has been a process for years little by little, step by step. Every year I grew more, forgave more, and finally reached the point where I had to move, shift my life, and fully choose peace. I’ve learned to forgive those who hurt me, even the ones who will never admit what they did.
Conditional love is love with strings attached “I love you if…” or “I love you when…”but unconditional love doesn’t work like that. True love doesn’t disappear. You can’t unlove someone. You may have to let them go, love them from a distance, and pray for them, but that doesn’t erase the love. Sometimes God removes people because you’re being called in a new direction, and other times it’s because they have their own lessons to learn. You usually don’t know which until years later, when you look back and understand.
Through it all, I’ve given myself so much grace. That’s how I got to a place where I’m truly happy not fake-it-to-make-it happy, not covering things up happy, but real joy. Life isn’t perfect and never will be, but I have hope, faith, and gratitude for every day.
One thing I’ve also learned don’t overshare. Quiet wins are the strongest ones. Not everyone is rooting for you, and the world can be harsh. That’s why I choose to keep so much private now. I don’t live for the world, and I don’t live by its rules.
So tonight I’m resting, recovering, and just watching my kids play games together it makes me laugh. Even in the heaviness, there’s light.